Contributed by: Melissa Mansfield Baker
Founder/CEO The Purple Factor
“You’re beautiful, smart and funny…why are you single?” Ummm…because I’m beautiful, smart, funny and have authentic self-worth. Knowing WHY I was single assured my happiness even further as I knew that by choosing NOT to just accept less than what I needed in a mate was a sign of my own healthy self-esteem and respect and made me an even more desirable partner. The world has changed and even traditional “like to be in a relationship” women would rather be single than unhappy. I am a confident, have my own, attractive woman and have learned the best way to date is by being unafraid to disqualify. Here is my list of “The Big 5 Dating Qualifiers.”
I Don’t Need You to Pay My Bills, I Want You to Build With Me
When you are in your late 30s to mid-40s, as a QUALITY woman, you already have acquired your material comforts and are not looking for a man to come provide everything for you. Mine plus yours equals IMMEDIATE EMPIRE. Therefore, a big bank account and complete financial security is not a deciding factor. I do not care how much a man has when I meet him as much as I care what can we have or build together. What is his vision? Does he have a dream, a goal? At this age, a content or complacent man is not attractive to me. I want a man to push me to turn my dreams to goals and hit them! To understand how to do that he needs one or two of his own.
Those Pesky Traits. Character and Integrity
We are watching you. What do you show the world and who do you surround yourself with? Most of us still have a child or two still at home. To commit to a man, I need to know I would be proud of my son if he emulated this man. Character, manners and integrity play a large role. Do you prove your words with actions? Do you make good decisions? Are you respectful? What about your friend circle? At a certain age, we know who and what kind of people we should have around us. Birds of a feather flock together and I don’t want to be associated with just any flock. A great catch of a woman is a leader, someone people look to, is adored by friends and family, she is looked at as an example of how to behave. She won’t align herself with less than the same, especially if she still has a child at home. A man’s circle will always be around…I might not want that circle around me or my child/children.
There is a Dress Code
The day comes in the dating process that people start to get comfortable. Please don’t get too comfortable with a woman like this. Many of us are happy to be in yoga pants and a tank for a movie in to match your t-shirt and basketball shorts. This does not mean it is ever okay to leave the house with her on your arm allowing her to feel overdressed. Tom Ford (beloved fashion designer) says “Dressing well is a form of good manners”, well it also affects how people view and react to you. She knows this. When venturing out, please respect the dress code she inspires. She will appreciate this in ways you will be rewarded for later.
I Will Need You, Just Not Every Minute of the Day
Do not expect me to blow your phone up or need to know your every move. I am confident and am not threatened by outside influences on the relationship. I’m not needy or clingy because I already have a life I am happy with. I am busy working, being a great mom, strengthening my female friendships and more! If I choose to exclusively spend time with a man it is because his presence brings me joy, adds to my already full, life cup. Start trying to pinpoint my every move and I will sense insecurity (which I can’t have in a man I need to trust to lead me in the future) you’ll disqualify yourself. A happy, full life woman makes a powerful partner.
Understand That Luxury Costs More
A great woman is like a high-end luxury sports car. Refined, beautiful, powerful, reliable. To have that car in your garage you should expect a higher investment (mentally, spiritually, emotionally and YES sometimes financially) and plan on following the maintenance plan (attention, affection, appreciation) I won’t ever negotiate my “price”. Before you complain about routine maintenance, remember how nice it is to drive and show off such an amazing investment…and what a great lunch she packs ?
So next time you meet a woman that you can’t believe is single, don’t just blurt out “why are you single?” Try a different approach with “What are you looking for?”