Contributed by: Melissa Mansfield Baker
Founder/CEO The Purple Factor
Being a great catch doesn’t start with your popularity with the opposite sex, it starts with the BELIEF that you are a great catch. So many times, we judge ourselves so much harsher than the people around us. The problem is that those thoughts inside you will affect the way you speak to others and represent yourself. Limiting beliefs of how wonderful you are will make you question what you deserve and how you deserve to be treated by a mate. How you feel about yourself can and will play a key role in the perception of you by others and be a deciding factor in the type of relationship you can build.
Here are 5 steps to changing your true feelings about yourself and starting to create a genuine self-love that will be powerful enough to affect those around you to not only find you a more beautiful person but be genuinely drawn to you. These are the steps I took years ago when I had a nervous breakdown over body image and societal standards of beauty. I call it living the B.U.N.N.Y Life.
We have an internal voice inside of us that is regularly giving us advice and telling us what we already know. Start listening! When it comes to making decisions, instead of looking outward, listen inwardly. Trusting your inner voice is the biggest part to starting to feel confident. Trusting in your own thoughts and feelings allows you to begin a relationship with yourself that will turn into a deep connected love of who you are.
Being unforgettable to others doesn’t seem like it could have such a HUGE effect on your own self esteem but when you start to hear and see how people look to you as an example of how to behave, you will have no other choice but to respect yourself. In a world of “LOL” “WYD” “TTYL” and many other 3-4 letter acronyms to replace sentences have created a world devoid of proper grammar, well thought out communication and even manners. Be the person in the room that looks someone in the eyes when speaking instead of into a cell phone screen or over their shoulder, be the person who spells out words CORRECTLY in electronic communication, be the person who chooses to be a little more refined. These qualities will make you stand out and quite frankly, help you feel better about you.
Today’s society does not always appreciate the people who are authentically caring. Care anyway. Pay attention to what is going on with others in your circle and make sure to keep in touch through their times of need. First of all, by making them feel important that good feeling will come back to you and secondly, when the time comes that you are in need, you will have a circle of friends ready to help you land softly. Another great way to do this is to take the time to compliment someone you don’t know whenever you can. When a stranger receives, and accepts your compliment it swells their sense of worth and it bounces right back to you like a burst of sunshine. Nurturing is key to creating a genuine feeling of goodness deep inside your spirit!
Not the clingy, suffocate your mate kind of needy but the kind of person who isn’t holding back when letting people know what they NEED. Even if you are just beginning on your quest to self-confidence start letting the people in your life now and the ones trying to earn a spot in your future life know what you need. This will build your own self-worth. For example, when I am dating I always let a man know I need affection in a relationship, if he isn’t affectionate it would not work. I deserve to have my needs met. What do you need? Tell people!
You are unequivocally the youiest you ever! God made only one YOU. You with all your wonderfulness and gifts. Make it a point to find a quality every day to compliment yourself on even if it’s just that you left your house in matching socks. No one can be you better than you and YOU are perfect just the WAY YOU ARE!
This is a short list of only 5 things to do but they will take time. It will be worth EVERY MINUTE you invest in yourself to take these steps. I took them 10 years ago and wish I had taken them 10 years before then. I have such a deeper understanding at this point in my life and instead feel for the people that judge others. They will lose authentic and genuine love over and over again because of limiting thoughts and expectations of what is truly sexy. Sexy and beautiful start on the inside and seep out and wrap around us no matter how big or small, short or tall, smart or silly. Own your beauty. Never let anyone hold you to any standards that are not your own. What one person isn’t crazy about…there are hundreds who are. Make sure the person holding the bullhorn in your head isn’t the ONE person that doesn’t appreciate ALL of you.